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您当前所在的位置》意林杂志 > 绘英语 > 2016年1月 总第1期 > Inspiring Theatre

Ghost Words

文 Matheus Macedo

The letter smelled of lavender and vanilla, like she couldn't decide which perfume to use so she used both. Her hand-writing had been drawn with the careful precision ① only seventh-grade girls in love have patience for. The envelope lay flat and perfectly sealed in the middle of the hallway. If it had not been in front of her locker I may have left it there. I thought of all possibilities before tearing open the smooth flap of pink paper.

I could have given it back to her,she would definitely have noticed methen. Though soon after she would have given him the letter and that

would have been the end of me. No.I wasn't going to return it, I couldn't bare to rid of it. Every day and night since the third grade I had thought of her. I knew now that as I had thought of her, she had thought of him.

She had experienced the same longing, the same doubt, the same tug ② of the heart when she saw him each morning and the same dread ③ after school, of knowing she would notsee him again until the next day. One may think that a boy in love would be distressed to learn of the girl's passion for another, upset, jealous... but that would be wrong. I saw her the day I found the letter. Her nails bit down to shredded ④ stumps, her leg bouncing restless as she looked this way and that for the one who may expose her secret. I only wished I could tell her not to worry, her heart was safe in my hands. But I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough to part with the only piece of her I would everown.

She told Jeremy about her feelings for him soon after that. They dated for a few weeks, but as they do, things feel apart during the summer. Years later I still caught glimpses of her glossing over the crowd, the slight curve of a tiny smile at the edge of her lips, who found my letter? She asked herself in silence.

She would never know it was me. She didn't have to. All she knew was that someone had found it, read it, and kept her secret. The words weren't thought with me in mind, I knew that, they were never meant for me. But they were mine.

那封信带着薰衣草和香子兰的味道,感觉就像她不能决定用哪种香水因此她用了两种一样。她写得如此准确,带着陷入爱情的七年级女孩所拥有的耐心。这个密封的信封平放在走廊中间。如果不是这个信封在她柜子的前面,我或许就会让它留在那了。在拆开这个光滑的粉色信封前我想了无数的可能性。

我可以把它还给她,这样她一定会注意到我。不久之后她就会把它送给他,她也就和我没有任何关系了。不,我不准备把它还回去,我也不会丢掉它。从三年级遇到她开始,我每日每夜地想她。我知道在我想她的时候,她会想着他。

每天早晨她看到他的时候,她会有着同样的渴望,同样的疑惑,同样的内心挣扎;放学之后也会有同样的恐惧,因为她知道要等到第二天才会再看到他。人们或许认为一个恋爱中的男孩知道他爱的那个女孩爱着别人时会感到不安,嫉妒……但那是错的。我在发现那封信的那天看到了她。她的指甲被咬得参差不齐,她在这条路上来来回回地不安地走着,寻找着那封可能会揭露她的秘密的信。我只是希望我能告诉她不要担心,她的秘密在我的手里是安全的。但是我不能。我还没有强大到去舍弃我能拥有的她的唯一的一部分。

不久之后,她告诉了杰里米她对他的感觉。他们约会了几周,在他们约会的那个夏天里,我感觉我的心发生了一些变化。几年之后,我仍旧可以在茫茫人海中瞥见她,嘴角弯弯,笑意浅浅,好像在自问道:“谁发现了我的信?”

她永远不会知道那个人就是我。她也没必要知道。她所知道的就是有人发现了它,看了它,并且为她保守着秘密。我知道,那些话不是给我写的,它们永远也不会属于我。但是我拥有它们。

① precision 英 [pr?'s??(?)n] 美[pr?'s??n] n. 精度,[ 数] 精密度;精确?adj. 精密的,精确的

② tug 英 [t?g] 美[t?ɡ] n. 拖船;拖曳;苦干?vi. 用力拉;竞争;努力做?vt. 用力拉;较量;用拖船拖

③ dread 英 [dred] 美[dr?d] n. 恐惧;可怕的人(或物)?vi. 惧怕;担心?vt. 惧怕;担心?adj. 可怕的

④ shredded adj. 切碎的